how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
