maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
