I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
