i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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