It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
