Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
