Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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