oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
