Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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