And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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