I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
