Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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