if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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