At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i already hear my dad disowning me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
