Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
