I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
