There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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