Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
