i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
