Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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