That's when you crack a 10am beer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
