I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My Sexting was not on an AP level
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
