I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
