Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
