So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
