i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
