Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize