I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I AM VODKA MAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
