i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we're so committed to being not committed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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