You smell like stripper and shame
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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