never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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