i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
