girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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