Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Screwed.edu
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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