I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
