dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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