My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
