Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
