i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
