and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
