I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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