so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
