I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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