I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
