I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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