Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
