Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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