Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
