i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
