I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
