Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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