and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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