the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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