We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
