what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
