My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
