her facebook's as public as her vagina
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
