walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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