your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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