Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
