I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
