I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
whose ass print is on the piano?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
