So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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