There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
