I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
