adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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