The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
