shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
