But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
