I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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